Your maid of honor hasn't slept in three days. Not because of her speech (she nailed that weeks ago), but because she's lying awake calculating drink math. How many bottles for 12 girls over a weekend? What if Sarah's still doing sober January in March? What if the bride's future sister-in-law only drinks rosé but everywhere is sold out of Whispering Angel?
I've been that maid of honor. Five times. I've also bartended approximately 847 bachelorette parties. Let me tell you what's really keeping your MOH up at night – and more importantly, how to fix it.
The Mental Math Marathon
Here's a glimpse inside your MOH's brain at 2 AM:
"Okay, 12 girls, 3 days, figure 4-5 drinks per day, that's... 180 drinks? But Chelsea drinks like a fish and Aunt Karen had two sips of champagne at Christmas. Do I plan for the average or the extremes? What if we run out? What if I overbuy and have to haul 17 bottles of prosecco back home?"
The drink calculation isn't just math – it's psychology, sociology, and advanced game theory rolled into one. Your MOH is trying to predict the unpredictable: human behavior when mixed with alcohol, excitement, and matching t-shirts.
The Budget Bomb
Nobody talks about this part: Your MOH is probably fronting the money. Sure, everyone promises to Venmo their share. But Sarah's "having issues with her app," Jennifer "forgot" to factor in tax and tip, and somehow your MOH is out $500 waiting for reimbursements that trickle in like a broken faucet.
Meanwhile, she's watching the bride's Instagram stories of champagne towers thinking, "That's my car payment popping in slow motion."
The average bachelorette party bar tab in Austin? $150-300 per person per day. For a weekend with 12 people, your MOH is juggling a $5,000+ alcohol budget. That's not counting food, activities, or the matching swimsuits that seemed like a good idea at the time.
The Dietary Disaster
2024 is the year everyone has a thing. Gluten-free isn't enough – now it's sulfite-free, sugar-free, additive-free, joy-free. Your MOH's spreadsheet looks like this:
The Bachelorette Dietary Matrix
A real MOH's planning document:
- Bride: No tequila (bad spring break memory)
- Sister: Keto (no sugar, carbs, or fun)
- College Roommate: Vegan (is champagne vegan?)
- Work Friend: Pregnant (surprise! announced via group text)
- Cousin: "Allergic" to cheap wine (isn't everyone?)
- Wild Card Friend: Drinks everything (thank god for Ashley)
Now try planning a bar menu that makes everyone happy. Spoiler: You can't. Your MOH knows this and is dying inside.
The Logistics Nightmare
Twelve women. Three locations. One rental house with a kitchen the size of a closet. Your MOH is playing Tetris with liquor bottles, trying to figure out how to transport everything without looking like she's running a bootlegging operation.
The rental car only holds so much. TSA definitely won't let her bring 17 bottles of champagne on the plane. And shipping alcohol to Texas involves laws that make the tax code look simple.
Then there's ice. Nobody thinks about ice until there isn't any. Your MOH has nightmares about warm champagne and the bride's disappointed face.
The Quality Question
Your MOH wants the bride to feel special. That means good champagne, not the stuff that tastes like sparkling regret. But good champagne for 12 people for three days? That's a mortgage payment.
She's caught between her desire to give the bride the best and the reality of everyone's budgets. So she spends hours researching "best champagne under $30" and dying a little inside each time she adds a bottle of Yellow Tail to the cart.
The Morning After Management
Saturday night was epic. Sunday morning is apocalyptic. Your MOH is playing bartender-nurse, trying to remember if it's "beer before liquor" or "prayer before Uber to urgent care."
She's making Bloody Marys with shaking hands, calculating how much pedialyte 12 hungover women need, and wondering if it's too early to start drinking again. Meanwhile, the bride is asking about brunch cocktails and the Type-A bridesmaid is suggesting a wine tour.
The Sober Support Stress
Plot twist: Two bridesmaids are doing Dry January/February/Forever. Your MOH now needs an entire parallel bar program. Mocktails that don't suck. Non-alcoholic options that aren't just juice. Making sure the sober sisters don't feel excluded from toasts.
She's researching NA spirits at 3 AM, wondering if Seedlip is worth $35 a bottle, and calculating how many limes she needs for mocktails vs. cocktails. The mental load just doubled.
The Instagram Pressure
Every bachelorette party needs "content." Your MOH isn't just planning drinks – she's art directing them. The champagne wall needs to be "aesthetic." The cocktails need garnishes that photograph well. Everything needs to be "story-worthy."
She's practicing champagne bottle opening techniques on YouTube, learning to make drinks that match the color scheme, and wondering when bachelorette parties became unpaid marketing internships.
The Transportation Tangle
Twelve drunk women. Multiple locations. One sober driver (hopefully). Your MOH is doing Advanced Calculus trying to figure out the Uber XL situation. Can you pre-book for 2 AM? How many cars do they need? What if they get separated?
She's creating detailed spreadsheets with addresses, backup plans, and emergency contacts. She's the logistics coordinator for a small drunk army, and nobody appreciates the complexity.
The Emotional Weight
Here's what really keeps your MOH up: The pressure to create the perfect weekend. This is her best friend's last hurrah. The Instagram posts will live forever. The memories need to be epic.
Every drink choice feels monumental. What if the signature cocktail sucks? What if they run out of the bride's favorite wine? What if this isn't as good as Jessica's bachelorette in Nashville?
Your MOH is carrying the weight of expectations, comparisons, and the desperate desire to give her best friend the celebration she deserves.
The Solution Your MOH Needs
After my fifth stint as MOH, I discovered the secret: Stop trying to be the bartender. Hire professionals who do this every day. Let someone else calculate drinks per person, source the obscure NA options, and deal with the logistics.
The best MOHs aren't the ones who DIY everything – they're the ones who know when to delegate. Your job is to be present for the bride, not to become a part-time liquor store manager.
The Permission Slip
If you're the bride reading this, here's what your MOH needs to hear: "I don't need perfect. I need you to enjoy this with me."
If you're the MOH reading this at 3 AM while calculating drink ratios, here's your permission slip: You don't have to do this alone. The bride chose you because you're amazing, not because you moonlight as a sommelier.
Outsource the bar. Split the responsibilities. Ask for help. Use a professional service. Whatever it takes to get you out of the Excel spreadsheet and into the matching t-shirts.
Because the best bachelorette parties aren't the ones with perfect cocktails – they're the ones where the MOH actually gets to participate instead of bartend.
Ready to save your sanity? Let us handle the bachelorette bar while you handle being the best MOH ever. Professional service, perfect portions, and peace of mind delivered. Because your job is to hold the bride's hair back, not calculate pour costs.
